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Kadesh Atzmecha b'Assur Lach
What is kedushah?
"Kedushah" is a prominent theme within Judaism. Although this term is typically translated as "holiness,""sanctity," or "sacredness," I have never found such translations to be of much use. If anything, they tend to be a hindrance to understanding. They're vague, they're loaded with foreign connotations, and they fail to convey Judaism's unique take on what it means to be kadosh.
According to Judaism, "kedushah" is based defined as "transcendence of physicality." Hashem is called "kadosh" because He transcends physicality in an absolute manner: He has no physical body, has no physical characteristics, and is not subject to any physical effects, changes, or occurrences whatsoever. Angels [1] are called "kedoshim" because although they affect the physical world, they, themselves, are not physical.
How can a human being become "kadosh"? After all, we have a physical body and physical drives in addition to our non-physical soul. The answer is: human beings can become kedoshim insofar as we transcend our own physicality by rising above the dictates of our animalistic instincts and psychological drives and living our lives based on, and in service of, our tzelem Elokim (non-physical intellect).
How can a human being become "kadosh"? After all, we have a physical body and physical drives in addition to our non-physical soul. The answer is: human beings can become kedoshim insofar as we transcend our own physicality by rising above the dictates of our animalistic instincts and psychological drives and living our lives based on, and in service of, our tzelem Elokim (non-physical intellect).
All mitzvos are instruments of kedushah: they are all serve the Torah regimen's goal of developing man into a knowledge-seeking being, whether by perfecting the body/psyche, or the intellect, or both. We acknowledge the kedushah dimension of mitzvos every time we make a birkas ha'mitzvah (blessing over mitzvos) by saying: "asher kideshanu b'mitzvosav" ("Who made us kadosh through His mitzvos").
While all mitzvos partake of the general character of kedushah, there are other mitzvos whose specific character is kedushah as well. The Rambam divided all 613 mitzvos into 14 categories, as codified in the 14 books of his Mishneh Torah. His Sefer Kedushah includes two categories of mitzvos: issurei biah (prohibited sexual relations) and maachalos assuros (prohibited foods). These mitzvos are designed to instill kedushah on an individual and national level by targeting the two primary instinctual drives in man: the sexual and the appetitive.
This explanation of kedushah applies to the other groups of mitzvos and halachic institutions which are explicitly associated with kedushah. For example, the mikraei kodesh ("holidays") are time periods devoted to kedushah-development, in which we withdraw from our involvement in melachah (shaping the physical world in accordance with our design) and focusing on the development of our tzelem Elokim. The Beis ha'Mikdash is the national kedushah-center, run by the kohanim ha'kedoshim - those individuals governed additional strictures of kedushah whose job is to process all of the kodshim (consecrated sacrifices) funded by hekdesh (consecrated property). The institution of kiddushin (betrothal and marriage) is designed to instill the relationship between a man and his wife - and, by extension, their home and family - with kedushah. And so on.
Kadesh Atzmecha b'Mutar Lach
In addition to the kedushah-development that is facilitated through the observance of halacha, Chazal also urge us to practice kedushah beyond what is required by halacha. Parashas Kedoshim begins with the statement of kedoshim tihiyu (you shall be kadosh):
Hashem spoke to Moshe, saying: Speak to the entire assembly of the Children of Israel and say to them: "You shall be kedoshim, for I, Hashem, your God, am kadosh" (Vayikra 19:2).
The Ramban [2] explains kedoshim tihiyu as a commandment to strive for kedushah within the realm of the permissible:
The idea [of this mitzvah] is that the Torah warned against prohibited sexual relations and prohibited foods, but it permitted the cohabitation of a man with his wife and the [unlimited] consumption of meat and wine. Accordingly, the baal taavah (pleasure addict) can find room [within the parameters of the law] to be steeped in sexual indulgence with his wife or to be "one of the guzzlers of wine and gorgers of meat" (Mishlei 23:20), and to speak as he pleases about all vile things - for the prohibition of [such speech] is not [explicitly] mentioned in the Torah - and thus, he will be a naval bi'reshus ha'Torah (a degenerate within the parameters of the Torah's permission).
Therefore, this pasuk [of kedoshim tihiyu] comes after [the Torah] detailed the categorical prohibitions, and commands in a general statement that we shall remove ourselves from excess within permissible acts. [For example,] one should be temperate in cohabiting [with his wife] ... utilizing [marital relations] only as needed for the fulfillment of the mitzvah regarding it; he should be kadosh with regard to wine by being temperate in [its consumption] ... similarly, he should guard his mouth and tongue from becoming polluted with excessive, gluttonous eating or with vile speech ...
It is with regard to these matters and those like them that this general mitzvah [of kedoshim tihiyu] comes [to caution], after [the Torah] detailed all of the transgressions which are categorically prohibited.
Chazal summed up this application of kedoshim tihiyu in the injunction: "kadesh atzmecha b'mutar lach" ("sanctify yourself within what is permissible to you"). Just because the Torah grants freedom within a certain area doesn't mean that it's a free-for-all. Instead of acting like an animal, a person should exercise restraint and strive for moderation even with regard to what is permitted.
One might ask: "If the Torah is against excessively indulgent behavior, then why didn't it prohibit all forms of such behavior so there would be no need for a separate mitzvah of kedoshim tihiyu?" The answer to this is two-fold. First of all, it is inherently impossible to legislate kedushah in this manner. No matter how far the Torah might have gone in prohibiting a specific type of indulgence, there would always remain a permissible realm, and a person could still be a naval bi'reshus ha'Torah in that area. In other words, as long as there is any amount of reshus (permission), then there is room to be a naval bi'reshus ha'Torah.
Secondly, the Torah recognizes that certain courses of development are most effective if the individual is allowed to tailor the Torah regimen to his own specifications, and to ramp it up at his own pace. For this reason, the Torah regulates the behavior of all Jews in a uniform manner up to a certain point, but beyond that, it is the responsibility of the individual to take on additional strictures and strive to fulfill the Torah's objectives in a personalized manner, beyond what is required by the strict letter of the law. (This is the basis of Rabbeinu Avraham ben ha'Rambam's distinction between the Derech ha'Ahm and the Derech ha'Yachid; see this post for an elaboration.)
Secondly, the Torah recognizes that certain courses of development are most effective if the individual is allowed to tailor the Torah regimen to his own specifications, and to ramp it up at his own pace. For this reason, the Torah regulates the behavior of all Jews in a uniform manner up to a certain point, but beyond that, it is the responsibility of the individual to take on additional strictures and strive to fulfill the Torah's objectives in a personalized manner, beyond what is required by the strict letter of the law. (This is the basis of Rabbeinu Avraham ben ha'Rambam's distinction between the Derech ha'Ahm and the Derech ha'Yachid; see this post for an elaboration.)
According to the Ramban, this is why the Torah included a mitzvah of kedoshim tihiyu. Even though it is impossible and ineffective to legislate this type of kedushah on a particular level, the Torah can still urge us to implement this in a general way by broadly commanding us in kadesh atzmecha b'mutar lach.
Kadesh Atzmecha b'Assur Lach
I would like to coin a new phrase, which is an extension of the Ramban's explanation of kedoshim tihiyu and kadesh atzmecha b'mutar lach. That phrase is "kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach" ("sanctify yourself within what is prohibited to you"). I am not suggesting that this principle is an actual mitzvah or a halacha. I do, however, believe that it is an important part of the Torah's approach to kedushah, and an indispensable practical guideline in the observance of halacha.
By "kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach" I mean that even when a person violates halacha, he or she should still practice kedushah to the extent possible. In other words, just because the transgressor knows he or she is going to violate halacha doesn't mean that he or she should just say, "To hell with it," and go on to act in a totally unrestrained manner. Instead, he or she should still exercise restraint and self-control within that violation of halacha - and, if feasible, should try to act in accordance with the objectives of the Torah, even though his or her actions are not in line with halacha itself.
Let's use a familiar, non-halachic analogy to illustrate this principle: dieting. Reuven is on a diet which requires him to observe precise dietary restrictions and to moderate his caloric intake. He's been sticking to his diet religiously for months. But one evening, he finds himself standing in front of a wedding smorgasbord featuring his arch-nemesis: UNLIMITED SUSHI. After battling with the urge to consume his favorite food, he admits defeat, and gorges himself on sushi ... and then he has some pasta ... and then some cookies ... and then ice cream ... all while telling himself, "Now that I've gone off my diet, I might as well let loose."
Although we may sympathize with Reuven's plight, we recognize the irrationality of his rationalization. He only lost the battle against sushi. Why should he concede additional territory to pasta, cookies, and ice cream as well? Just because he made one mistake doesn't mean that he should make three more mistakes! Instead, he should some sushi, and then return to his diet.
The same approach applies to halacha. Just as the person who stumbles in his diet should still exercise as much self-control as possible in line with the objectives and principles of his diet, so too, a person who stumbles in halacha should still exercise as much self-control as possible, in line with the objectives and principles of Torah. In doing so, he will at least be practicing kedushah even as he violates halacha. That is what I mean by kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach.
I will expand upon on this by focusing on three related (arguably identical) applications.
Application #1: The Baal Teshuvah
A baal teshuvah is someone who was once involved in a sin, but has engaged in teshuvah (repentance) and changed his or her ways for the good. Strictly speaking, "baal teshuvah" can refer to anyone who routinely engaged in any transgression or transgressions, and has subsequently done teshuvah. Colloquially, this term is reserved for people who "weren't religious" and became religious.
Halacha can be VERY daunting for a baal teshuvah who grew up non-observant. Most areas of halacha are so detailed that it is a challenge to even learn what to do and what not to do, let alone actually change one's lifestyle from non-halachic to halachic. This intimidation-factor can be a huge deterrent for potential baalei teshuvah, pressuring them to feel that they need to go from complete non-observance to being completely shomer Torah u'mitzvos (halachically observant). In many cases there exists a real danger that the would-be baal teshuvah will not even embark on the path of teshuvah because he or she feels the pressure to make an all-or-nothing lifestyle change in a very short amount of time.
This is where kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach comes in. Halacha really is all-or-nothing in terms of its absolutely binding nature as a legal system, but that doesn't mean that the baal teshuvah should approach his return to halacha with such absolutism. It is often more realistic to take on halachic observance piecemeal, one step at a time, until one is fully shomer Torah u'mitzvos.
The first example of this that I witnessed happened in my own home. I was raised irreligious, but our family started becoming baalei teshuvah when I was around 13 years old. My dad was the first one to start keeping kosher in our family. However, he didn't go from zero observance to full observance of kashrus overnight. He began by giving up pork. Next, he stopped eating shellfish. Then he stopped eating milk with meat. After that he stopped eating milk after meat. Eventually, after around two years, we all took the plunge, kashered our kitchen, and kept a fully kosher home.
Now, a person could make the argument that what my dad did would be frowned upon by halacha. After all, almost everything that was cooked in our non-kosher kitchen was technically assur (prohibited), so it's not like he was actually "keeping kosher" until he fully made the switch.
Nevertheless, I believe that this step-by-step approach to doing teshuvah was a kiyum (fulfillment) of the principles of kedushah, even though it was an imperfect kiyum of the halachos of kedushah. It is assur to eating a piece of pork and it is also assur to eat a piece of chicken cooked in a pot that was used to cook pork - yet, my dad's act of resisting the urge to eat pork and forcing himself to eat chicken in order to uphold halacha was an act of kedushah, despite the fact that it involved a transgression.
I would argue that this is true for all of halacha, insofar as all mitzvos are vehicles of kedushah. Every step that a baal teshuvah takes towards halachic observance is a step taken with kedushah, even if it doesn't completely meet the standards of halacha at the present time.
I think that this is an important idea to emphasize with baalei teshuvah as they make their journey, since baalei teshuvah sometimes feel guilty about taking things slowly. Admittedly, it's a difficult balancing act: on the one hand, it must be made clear that halacha is an objective, uniform, Divinely mandated system, and that an aveirah (transgression) is still an aveirah; at the same time, it is psychologically beneficial and philosophically instructive to point out that the transgression of a baal teshuvah on the path towards observance is fundamentally different than the transgression of a non-baal teshuvah.
Application #2: The Teenager
Another demographic that kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach pertains to is teenagers. Teenagers and young adults from all across the shomer Torah u'mitzvos spectrum face a number of challenges throughout this difficult time in their lives. It is quite common for teens to go through lapses in various areas of their halachic observance.
As I - and I'm sure other Jewish Educators - can attest, these young men and women often feel "doomed" by their lapses or by their imperfect observance of halacha. They feel that if they're intentionally and habitually doing one aveirah, they might as well do more aveiros. For example, if they're texting on Shabbos, they might as well turn on lights on Shabbos; if they wear short sleeves, they might as well wear short skirts; if they eat non-kosher candy, they might as well eat at non-kosher restaurants; if they're violating "shomer negiah," they might as well do other things.
I think that the message we give baalei teshuvah should be given to these teenagers as well. Yes, halacha is absolutely binding. No, halacha does not grant you the permission to pick and choose. But if you feel that you can't give an area of halacha your 100%, then at least give it 80%, or 60%, or even 10%. So long as you are still exercising as much control as you can muster, that is still the derech of kedushah, and that is still something worth holding onto.
I witnessed a great example of this involving a teenager who happened to be a baal teshuvah. This incident took place during my second or third year of yeshiva, when I went back to visit my old high school. I sat in on a Q&A session with my Mishlei rebbi and a class of 10th graders. This kid told my rebbi that he was struggling with a certain area of halacha involving self-control. He said that it felt like the halacha was impossible for him to keep, and he wanted to know what to do about it. My rebbi asked him, "Can you control yourself sometimes or never?" The kid answered, "Sometimes." My rebbi then simply said, "Okay. So try to keep the halacha and only give in to your desires when you're in a situation where you can't control yourself," to which the kid replied, "Oh. I guess that makes sense!"
My first thought upon hearing this was, "Duh! Isn't that what the kid had already been doing in the first place? Wasn't he just trying to keep the halacha and then failing when the desire became overpowering? What did my rebbi's advice change in this kid's mind?" But then I realized what had happened. From the kid's question it was clear that he was ready to give up on trying to keep the halacha altogether. What my rebbi essentially did was to say, "Nobody's perfect, and it seems that you can't keep this halacha perfectly right now - but that doesn't mean that it's rational to just stop trying to keep it. Instead, approach the observance and the violation of this halacha with kedushah: try to observe the halacha, and only violate it when you can't control yourself."
Obviously, this must all be done delicately. The expression "give them an inch and they'll take a mile" definitely applies to the average teenager. The approach that my rebbi took worked in that case, but there are a number of ways in which it could have gone wrong. Educators must proceed with caution.
Let's use a familiar, non-halachic analogy to illustrate this principle: dieting. Reuven is on a diet which requires him to observe precise dietary restrictions and to moderate his caloric intake. He's been sticking to his diet religiously for months. But one evening, he finds himself standing in front of a wedding smorgasbord featuring his arch-nemesis: UNLIMITED SUSHI. After battling with the urge to consume his favorite food, he admits defeat, and gorges himself on sushi ... and then he has some pasta ... and then some cookies ... and then ice cream ... all while telling himself, "Now that I've gone off my diet, I might as well let loose."
Although we may sympathize with Reuven's plight, we recognize the irrationality of his rationalization. He only lost the battle against sushi. Why should he concede additional territory to pasta, cookies, and ice cream as well? Just because he made one mistake doesn't mean that he should make three more mistakes! Instead, he should some sushi, and then return to his diet.
The same approach applies to halacha. Just as the person who stumbles in his diet should still exercise as much self-control as possible in line with the objectives and principles of his diet, so too, a person who stumbles in halacha should still exercise as much self-control as possible, in line with the objectives and principles of Torah. In doing so, he will at least be practicing kedushah even as he violates halacha. That is what I mean by kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach.
I will expand upon on this by focusing on three related (arguably identical) applications.
Application #1: The Baal Teshuvah
A baal teshuvah is someone who was once involved in a sin, but has engaged in teshuvah (repentance) and changed his or her ways for the good. Strictly speaking, "baal teshuvah" can refer to anyone who routinely engaged in any transgression or transgressions, and has subsequently done teshuvah. Colloquially, this term is reserved for people who "weren't religious" and became religious.
Halacha can be VERY daunting for a baal teshuvah who grew up non-observant. Most areas of halacha are so detailed that it is a challenge to even learn what to do and what not to do, let alone actually change one's lifestyle from non-halachic to halachic. This intimidation-factor can be a huge deterrent for potential baalei teshuvah, pressuring them to feel that they need to go from complete non-observance to being completely shomer Torah u'mitzvos (halachically observant). In many cases there exists a real danger that the would-be baal teshuvah will not even embark on the path of teshuvah because he or she feels the pressure to make an all-or-nothing lifestyle change in a very short amount of time.
This is where kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach comes in. Halacha really is all-or-nothing in terms of its absolutely binding nature as a legal system, but that doesn't mean that the baal teshuvah should approach his return to halacha with such absolutism. It is often more realistic to take on halachic observance piecemeal, one step at a time, until one is fully shomer Torah u'mitzvos.
The first example of this that I witnessed happened in my own home. I was raised irreligious, but our family started becoming baalei teshuvah when I was around 13 years old. My dad was the first one to start keeping kosher in our family. However, he didn't go from zero observance to full observance of kashrus overnight. He began by giving up pork. Next, he stopped eating shellfish. Then he stopped eating milk with meat. After that he stopped eating milk after meat. Eventually, after around two years, we all took the plunge, kashered our kitchen, and kept a fully kosher home.
Now, a person could make the argument that what my dad did would be frowned upon by halacha. After all, almost everything that was cooked in our non-kosher kitchen was technically assur (prohibited), so it's not like he was actually "keeping kosher" until he fully made the switch.
Nevertheless, I believe that this step-by-step approach to doing teshuvah was a kiyum (fulfillment) of the principles of kedushah, even though it was an imperfect kiyum of the halachos of kedushah. It is assur to eating a piece of pork and it is also assur to eat a piece of chicken cooked in a pot that was used to cook pork - yet, my dad's act of resisting the urge to eat pork and forcing himself to eat chicken in order to uphold halacha was an act of kedushah, despite the fact that it involved a transgression.
I would argue that this is true for all of halacha, insofar as all mitzvos are vehicles of kedushah. Every step that a baal teshuvah takes towards halachic observance is a step taken with kedushah, even if it doesn't completely meet the standards of halacha at the present time.
I think that this is an important idea to emphasize with baalei teshuvah as they make their journey, since baalei teshuvah sometimes feel guilty about taking things slowly. Admittedly, it's a difficult balancing act: on the one hand, it must be made clear that halacha is an objective, uniform, Divinely mandated system, and that an aveirah (transgression) is still an aveirah; at the same time, it is psychologically beneficial and philosophically instructive to point out that the transgression of a baal teshuvah on the path towards observance is fundamentally different than the transgression of a non-baal teshuvah.
Application #2: The Teenager
Another demographic that kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach pertains to is teenagers. Teenagers and young adults from all across the shomer Torah u'mitzvos spectrum face a number of challenges throughout this difficult time in their lives. It is quite common for teens to go through lapses in various areas of their halachic observance.
As I - and I'm sure other Jewish Educators - can attest, these young men and women often feel "doomed" by their lapses or by their imperfect observance of halacha. They feel that if they're intentionally and habitually doing one aveirah, they might as well do more aveiros. For example, if they're texting on Shabbos, they might as well turn on lights on Shabbos; if they wear short sleeves, they might as well wear short skirts; if they eat non-kosher candy, they might as well eat at non-kosher restaurants; if they're violating "shomer negiah," they might as well do other things.
I think that the message we give baalei teshuvah should be given to these teenagers as well. Yes, halacha is absolutely binding. No, halacha does not grant you the permission to pick and choose. But if you feel that you can't give an area of halacha your 100%, then at least give it 80%, or 60%, or even 10%. So long as you are still exercising as much control as you can muster, that is still the derech of kedushah, and that is still something worth holding onto.
I witnessed a great example of this involving a teenager who happened to be a baal teshuvah. This incident took place during my second or third year of yeshiva, when I went back to visit my old high school. I sat in on a Q&A session with my Mishlei rebbi and a class of 10th graders. This kid told my rebbi that he was struggling with a certain area of halacha involving self-control. He said that it felt like the halacha was impossible for him to keep, and he wanted to know what to do about it. My rebbi asked him, "Can you control yourself sometimes or never?" The kid answered, "Sometimes." My rebbi then simply said, "Okay. So try to keep the halacha and only give in to your desires when you're in a situation where you can't control yourself," to which the kid replied, "Oh. I guess that makes sense!"
My first thought upon hearing this was, "Duh! Isn't that what the kid had already been doing in the first place? Wasn't he just trying to keep the halacha and then failing when the desire became overpowering? What did my rebbi's advice change in this kid's mind?" But then I realized what had happened. From the kid's question it was clear that he was ready to give up on trying to keep the halacha altogether. What my rebbi essentially did was to say, "Nobody's perfect, and it seems that you can't keep this halacha perfectly right now - but that doesn't mean that it's rational to just stop trying to keep it. Instead, approach the observance and the violation of this halacha with kedushah: try to observe the halacha, and only violate it when you can't control yourself."
Obviously, this must all be done delicately. The expression "give them an inch and they'll take a mile" definitely applies to the average teenager. The approach that my rebbi took worked in that case, but there are a number of ways in which it could have gone wrong. Educators must proceed with caution.
Application #3: The Uncontrollable Yetzer
The last application of kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach relates to a topic I've written about before. Years ago I wrote a blog post about Chazal's advice for someone who is overcome with an irresistible urge to violate halacha. Under certain circumstances, Chazal would instruct such a person to "go to a place where they don’t recognize him, put on black clothes and cover himself in black, and do what his heart desires, and not cause a chillul shem shamayim b'farhesya (public desecration of God's Name)." See what I wrote for a full analysis, which includes important details and qualifications. For our purposes, I'll quote an excerpt from that post which pertains to the topic at hand:
There are so many Jews who have an "all or nothing" attitude when it comes to halachic observance. This is ridiculous. From a philosophical, halachic, and metaphysical standpoint, Torah is an "all or nothing" system. You can't pick and choose which halachos to keep. At the same time, realistically speaking, not every person is able to keep every halacha in every case. But the Torah has advice even for these people. The Torah doesn't just say, "To hell with you. Do whatever you want. See if I care."
This is highlighted very clearly in [Chazal's] teaching. [They are] essentially telling this person: "I understand. You can't control yourself in this case. Your own observance of this halacha will be compromised. But there is still the consideration of chillul shem shamayim, and you should at least retain that consideration as a priority."
Although Chazal identify chilul ha'Shem - not kedushah - as the governing principle, it is still a good illustration of the manner in which kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach should be applied.
Concluding Thoughts
I don't think what I've written about here contains anything new. It is simply a particular application of the principles discussed by the Ramban in his commentary on kedoshim tihiyu. Still, I think that by coining the phrase "kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach," this principle will become easier to think about, to discuss, and to apply in practice.
Concluding Thoughts
I don't think what I've written about here contains anything new. It is simply a particular application of the principles discussed by the Ramban in his commentary on kedoshim tihiyu. Still, I think that by coining the phrase "kadesh atzmecha b'assur lach," this principle will become easier to think about, to discuss, and to apply in practice.
[1] Ha! You probably thought that this footnote would define what "angels" are, didn't you? I'm afraid that question is beyond the scope of this blog post.
[2] Rabbeinu Moshe ben Nachman (Ramban / Nachmanides), Commentary on Sefer Vayikra 19:2
[2] Rabbeinu Moshe ben Nachman (Ramban / Nachmanides), Commentary on Sefer Vayikra 19:2
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