My Personal Stance on Kiruv

Originally published in July 2013.

Artwork: Welcome to the Fold, by David Palumbo
(Hint: if your kiruv is perceived like this, then you're doing it wrong.)

My Personal Stance on Kiruv

My dad moved in nextdoor to a lively, comical, rambunctious 89-year-old man named Alan. Alan has lived in the neighborhood for over 40 years, but the two of them only met recently, and they really hit it off. My dad suggested that we all learn Mishlei together this past Shabbos afternoon, and we thought it was a great idea.

On our way over to Alan's apartment, we ran into someone from our shul. Let's call him "Max." The conversation went something like this:

Max: "So, where are you guys heading off to at this hour?"

Me: "We're going to go learn with this 89-year-old guy that my dad recently met."

Max: "Jewish?"

Me: "Yes."

Max: "Religious?"

Me: "No."

Max: :::eyes light up::: "Ah, so you you're going to do kiruv (outreach)! Bringing him on over to our side!" 

Me: :::brief pause::: "No ... we're just going to learn Torah." 

This isn't the first time I've heard a comment like this. In my second year of teaching, I mentioned to a colleague that I enjoy teaching irreligious kids more than I enjoy teaching religious kids. Had he asked me why, I would have answered that the irreligious kids tend to be more open-minded, which (in my experience) enhances the quality of the learning and makes it more enjoyable. But this person didn't ask me any question. Instead, he exclaimed, "Ah, so you're into kiruv! How nice!"

I wanted to respond to him by telling him my personal stance on the matter: I learn and I teach, but I don't do kiruv. But I held my tongue.

Kiruv is for some people, but not for others.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against kiruv per se. There are so many different motivations and approaches to doing kiruv that it would be virtually meaningless to be "pro-kiruv" or "anti-kiruv." I also don't have anything against the people who do kiruv, per se. There are many Jews who are engaged in beneficial kiruv-work who do a lot of good. My family, and many of my friends, would not be involved in Judaism were it not for people who have dedicated their lives to doing kiruv. At the same time, there are many Jews who do harm through kiruv, and would be better off minding their own business.

What irks me is the default assumption that any Torah-learning done with non-religious Jews must be a kiruv-driven agenda. Isn't learning with a fellow Jew - nay, a fellow human being - a valuable endeavor in and of itself? Is kiruv really the only thing that would justify doing this? Can't I just learn Torah with a non-religious person without missionizing?

Of course, if I responded in this manner, the other party would agree. But the immediacy of their reaction was telling, nonetheless. And the comment about "bringing them over to my side" was even more telling.

But I'd go further and argue that even within the framework of kiruv, it isn't always wise to go into learning with the goal of being mekarev someone (i.e. getting them to become religious). One of the things that made me so successful when I taught irreligious kids was the fact that I wasn't trying to "bring them over to my side." They could sense this, and it had a tremendously beneficial impact on our relationship.

This became especially clear to me during my first month of teaching when, in an email exchange with an irreligious student, he asked me point blank why I even bothered following up with his "apikorsus" (heretical) questions. Here is how I answered him:

I try, as hard as I can, to be entirely selfish. The reason why I am interested in discussing philosophy with you is not because I'm trying to "convert" you, to "save your soul," or to make you change your actions in any way. What you do with your life is up to you. The reasons why I want to have philosophical discussions with you are (a) because I enjoy it, (b) because you ask really good questions, and (c) because you challenge my ideas and force me to question my own beliefs and opinion. Like I said, my motives are purely selfish. So if I ever say, "I don't care about your soul," don't take any offense!

His response:

U R THE MANNNNN lol. i dnt think any rabbi would do that. especially say "I dnt care about ur soul." lol

I meant what I said in the email at the time, and the student knew it. From that moment on, the doors to his mind opened up, and our learning skyrocketed. And my learning continued with that student throughout his high school years and beyond.

The same thing happened with many other students. It's only natural for irreligious people to be somewhat suspicious when a religious person expresses an interest in learning with them or teaching them. Once they perceive that the religious person isn't out to "win them over," their tzelem Elokim becomes free to do what it was designed to do: to seek truth, and to enjoy it. And if the tzelem Elokim is nurtured in this manner, it will find its way, as the Rambam writes at the end of Hilchos Teshuvah 6:5:

Furthermore, He implanted within them the capacity to learn and to understand, for this tendency is within every human being, namely, that as long as he is drawn by the ways of chochmah and tzedek, he [continues to] desire them and pursue them. This is what the Sages meant by, “One who comes to be purified will be assisted” – meaning to say, he will find himself assisted in the matter.

I guess this really boils down to a deep conviction of mine which is strengthened with every year of teaching experience: I believe in the resilience of the tzelem Elokim. I have seen so many students whose tzelem Elokim has been dormant, suppressed, frustrated, asleep, beaten down, and otherwise impeded - and yet, once it gets a taste of real learning, it springs back to life. A parched tzelem Elokim will know when its thirst for knowledge is being quenched, and its natural response will be to crave more. When this happens, overt missionary efforts will usually bring more harm than good.

Bottom line: let the tzelem Elokim do its thing. Agenda-less learning (a.k.a. Torah lishmah) is inherently good, inherently enjoyable, and will often accomplish more kiruv than you'd expect.

I'm not one to do kiruv, but if I must, I prefer 100% organic kiruv (a.k.a. agenda-less learning)
over that artificially flavored stuff.