Righteous Testimony from an Actual Mamzer

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Devarim 23:3

Righteous Testimony from an Actual Mamzer [1]

Last year I stumbled upon an AMA ("Ask Me Anything") session hosted by a mamzeress (i.e. a female mamzer, which we will define momentarily). Of the many eye-opening answers she gave, one of them was so jaw-droppingly impressive that I knew I had to feature it in a blog post. 

But first, let's just review some basics facts about the halachic status of mamzer/mamzeress. Although the halachos of mamzeirus are manifold and intricate, here are the basics, as codified by the Rambam [2]: 

What is the “mamzer” (Devarim 23:3) that is stated in the Torah? This refers to [any offspring] that came from any one of the arayos. [3] The exception is a nidah, the child of whom is considered “blemished,” but is not a mamzer. But if a man has relations with any of the other arayos – whether through rape or willingly, whether [he violated halacha] intentionally or unintentionally, the offspring is a mamzer. Both male and female [mamzerim] are prohibited [to marry] forever, as it is stated: “[a mamzer shall not enter the congregation of Hashem] – even the tenth generation” (ibid.), which means “forever.”

It is permissible for a mamzer to marry a giyoress (female convert), and it is also permissible for a mamzeress to marry a ger (male convert), and the children of both of them will be mamzerim, for the status of the offspring follows the blemished one. [The license for such a marriage] was stated: “[a mamzer shall not enter] the congregation of Hashem” (ibid.), and the congregation of gerim (converts) is not called “congregation of Hashem.”

When a giyoress marries a ger and gives birth to a son, he is permitted to marry a mamzeress, even though he was both conceived and born in kedushah (i.e. in accordance with the laws regarding sexual relations). This also applies to the son of his grandson (i.e. any other descendant) until his connection with conversion is forgotten, and it is not known that he [descends from] geirim, at which point he will be forbidden to marry a mamzeress. 

A few more basic facts about mamzerim will suffice for the purposes of this post:

• The child of a mamzer is also a mamzer. This is what the halacha means when it says that mamzerim are prohibited to enter into the congregation of Hashem "forever."
• Mamzerim are permitted to marry other mamzerim. 
• A mamzer is also permitted to marry a shifchah (non-Jewish maidservant, during a time period when slavery is practiced). The child of such a union, when freed, would no longer be a mamzer. This was the only way to "purify" a lineage from mamzeirus.
• The offspring of an unmarried Jewish woman is not a mamzer, provided that the father was someone whom she would have been permitted to marry.
• The offspring of a union between a Jew and a non-Jew is not considered to be a mamzer, since such a union - though prohibited - is not one of the arayos, since it isn't liable for kareis.
• Most of the complications in the halachos of mamzeirus pertain to how we determine whether or not a person is a mamzer. [4]

Okay, now we're ready for a recap of the question posed to this mamzeress, and her incredible response. In order to appreciate where she was coming from, here are a few facts that she provided about her background:

• She was raised non-religious, and became a baalas teshuvah (someone who returned to halachic observance) in her late teens, with full knowledge of her mamzeirus.
• Her mamzeirus is well-documented by her country's rabbinate. Both her aunt and her parents had tried to get married in halachically observant synagogues, but weren't able to do so.
• When asked how her mamzeirus originated, she answered: "My great-grandmother only civilly divorced her first husband. He refused her a get (divorce document) until eight years after my grandfather was born, of her marriage to another man. The mamzeirut has been passed down since that time, unfortunately with full documentation." She later added: "They have the ketuba (marriage contract) of my great-grandmother, they have her civil marriage certificate to my great-grandfather and her civil divorce to the first man, have the birth certificate of my grandfather with another man as the father, and they have the get from the first kiddushin (halachic marriage) dated eight years after my grandfather was born." 
• Due to the complications of the halachos of mamzeirus, she has consulted a number of rabbis in order to confirm whether she is, indeed, a mamzeress, and whether there are any halachic licenses or loopholes which might free her from this status. She seems pretty convinced that she's stuck with the status. In the AMA she detailed the responses she's received from several major Rabbinical Courts who are in agreement.
• When asked if she has considered joining other Jewish movements, which have "effectively eliminated" mamzeirus, she answered with a dismissive tone about these movements, and about those who defect from halachic Judaism for reasons such as this.
• To this day, she has never met another halachic mamzer/mamzeress (though she acknowledged that this isn't a personal fact that would be publicly advertised).

The question I want to focus on was a blunt one, asked by a man. In fact, it wasn't even posed as a question, but as an observation, or a judgment. This is what he wrote:

While I admire your honesty and refusal to be fake, I find it hard to understand why you would be chozer bi'teshuvah (return to halachic observance) into a system that unfairly discriminates against you and doesn't want you. 

Here was her amazing response:

I know you meant well, but I find it kind of offensive that this is how you understand my Judaism and my life. I return in teshuvah to Judaism because I believe it's right.  

Discrimination is inherently part of Judaism and it doesn't really bother me. We discriminate between Jews and non-Jews, Kohanim and Leviim and Yisraelim, those who keep Shabbat and those who do not ... how is my case any different? I have no right to reject a system established at the foundation of the world. 

As for "not wanting me": listen closely, here. Firstly, I did teshuvah for God and myself and the Jewish people in abstract. "The system" is beautiful and useful and I love it, but it's not what my loyalty is to. Secondly, I am more than marriage. I am more than a chuppah and 2+ children. The system may not want me to marry within it (and even that isn't true, because there are other mamzerim and there are converts), but it wants my tefila, it wants my Shabbat candles, it wants me to learn, it wants my hospitality, it wants my righteousness. How could you possibly say that because I will probably never have a wedding ring I'm unwanted? Why is marriage the ultimate validation for you? Look beyond the bedroom into your bookcase and at your mezuzah and into the heavens and then think again about calling me unwanted, please.  

I'm sorry if this came off as aggressive. This sort of thinking makes me very angry as a Jew and as a feminist as well as a mamzeret. I'm sure you meant well, and my anger is directed at your argument and not at you.

Wow, right? I am in awe this woman's attitude towards Judaism, which is exceedingly rare to see even among frum-from-birth Jews who are not "halachic minorities" - all the more so in a baalas teshuvah whose halachic status could very easily make her feel marginalized, victimized, or discriminated against by "the system," or by God, Himself. 

When I read her response I was reminded of the end of Yeshayahu 56:4-5, which we read as the haftarah on a public taanis (fast day):

Let not the foreigner who joined Hashem say, "Hashem will surely separate me from His people," and let not the saris (a man who is unable to have offspring) say, "Behold, I am a dry tree." Thus said Hashem to the sarisim who keep My Sabbaths and choose what I desire and cling to My covenant: I will give them within My house and within My walls a status and a name, which are better than sons and daughters - an eternal name I will give to them, which will not be cut off.

There are different interpretations of what, exactly, Hashem promises to these individuals who feel that they are separate from the nation, either because of their lineage or because of their inability to have children, but the general intent of Hashem's message to them is clear: "your life is valuable to Me, regardless of your non-Jewish ancestry or lack of progeny." As this mamzeress would say: "you are not unwanted."

The Malbim [5] explains this pasuk identifies three criteria on which this Divine response is predicated: (1) emunah (conviction in Hashem and His relationship to the world), as alluded to in the reference to those "who keep my Sabbaths," (2) mitzvos and avodah (service), as alluded to in "choose what I desire," and (3) learning Torah, as alluded to in "cling to My covenant."

I don't know anything about this mamzeress other than what I read in her AMA, but from what I've seen, she appears to be dedicated to emunah, to mitzvos, and to learning. And if the attitude reflected in her response to her questioner is any indication of her commitment to Hashem and His Torah, then I'm sure that Hashem will give her "within [His] house and within [His] walls a status and a name, which are better than sons and daughters - an eternal name ... which will not be cut off."

[1] This post really should be entitled "Righteous Testimony from an Actual Mamzeress," but I wanted to increase the chances of it showing up in Google searches for "mamzer," and I figured that searches for "mamzeret" would be less common - and certainly searches for "mamzeress."

[2] Rabbeinu Moshe ben Maimon (Rambam / Maimonides), Mishneh Torah: Sefer Kedushah, Hilchos Issurei Biah 15:1, 7-8

[3] see Rabbeinu Moshe ben Maimon (Rambam / Maimonides), Mishneh Torah: Sefer Nashim, Hilchos Ishus 1:5, in which the Rambam defines "arayos" as "any Biblically prohibited sexual relation which is liable for kareis (spiritual excision), enumerated in Parashas Acharei Mos." 

[4] The majority of these halachos has to do with chazakos - halachic status quos - as there is no halachic equivalent to DNA tests, or to The Jerry Springer Show.
[5] Rav Meir Leibush ben Yechiel Michel Wisser (Malbim), Commentary on Sefer Yeshayahu 56:4-5