On Measuring Progress in Torah

This is a topic I was thinking about recently. Rather than waiting until I fully explored the topic (which I probably wouldn't have done anytime soon), I decided to just write out my present thoughts while they're still fresh in my mind.

Artwork: Part the Waterveil, by Titus Lunter

On Measuring Progress in Torah

I began my Jewish education in 11th grade, knowing little more than my aleph beis and assorted facts from the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (which the Beis Din required me to study in preparation for my conversion several months later). Knowing that I would only have two years of Jewish day school education, I made it my goal to work as hard as possible to "catch up" with my peers by the time I graduated. 

On several occasions I became discouraged by the pace of my progress. I felt as though I was pouring in tons of effort and not seeing any results. It never got to the point where I considered giving up, but the dejection was real. 

One day I decided to tell my Mishlei rebbi how I was feeling in hopes that he would give me some advice. He responded my telling me the midrash about Rebbi Akiva and the rock, which I had never heard before. Here is a translation of the midrash:

They say that Rebbi Akiva was 40 years old and [still] hadn’t learned anything. One day he was standing at the opening of a well. He asked: “What carved out this rock?” They answered: “The water that is constantly dripping upon it every day.” They [further] said to him: “Akiva. Didn’t you know the verse, 'Water wears down a rock' (Iyov 14:19)?” Immediately Rebbi Akiva inferred a kal va’chomer about himself, [reasoning as follows:] “If that which is soft can carve that which is hard, then the words of Torah – which are as hard as iron – all the more so will they be able to carve my heart, which is flesh and blood!” Immediately he went back to learning Torah.

My rebbi then told me his understanding of the midrash. He explained that if Rebbi Akiva had continually monitored the water dripping onto the rock, he wouldn't have noticed any change. However, if he turned his attention away and came back at a later time, then he would realize the impression that the water had made. Even though each drop of water impacted the rock to the same degree, it took a change of perspective for him to see it.

This midrash answered a question which I hadn't even bothered to ask: What does progress in Torah look like? According to my Mishlei rebbi's explanation, the answer of the midrash is: Progress in Torah doesn't look like anything. In other words, real progress in Torah does not appear to us in the form of sudden changes and dramatic breakthroughs, but as a gradual, imperceptible change which only becomes apparent over time.

Based on this, my rebbi advised me to do everything in my power to avoid attempting to measure my rate of advancement. He told me to just devote my energy to the process of learning and not worry about the results. Then, one day, out of the blue, I'd suddenly realize how much I had accomplished.

I took his advice and resolved not to evaluate my gains until the end of each semester. Thank God, it worked! Somehow, designating an "evaluation day" on the calendar had the effect of psychologically releasing me from the need to continually assess my rate of improvement - and that, in turn, enabled me to develop even more. Eventually, after years of learning, I reached the point where I barely gave any thought to measuring the pace of my development.

Now, as someone whose job is to teach the next generation of students, I strive to relay this message to those students of mine who struggle like I did. I hope that by subtly and patiently reinforcing this message in various ways throughout their four years of high school, my words will leave an impression.