 |
| Artwork: Day of Judgment, by Anato Finnstark |
Yom ha'Kippurim 5783: Musings on Erev Yom ha'Kippurim Anxiety
This morning I woke up, realized it was Erev Yom ha’Kippurim, and was filled with existential anxiety. I didn’t utilize these past eight days of the Aseres Ymei Teshuvah (Ten Days of Repentance) as much as I could have. I haven’t done my best to maximize my potential throughout the year. I have so many flaws and fall short in my avodas Hashem in so many ways. But then I had a very simple epiphany: the din (judgment) of Yom ha’Kippurim and the kaparah (atonement) of Yom ha’Kippurim are two separate phenomena, and one is not necessarily dependent on the other.
By “the din of Yom ha’Kippurim” I am referring to the judgment on humanity which occurs on Rosh ha’Shanah and is finalized on Yom ha’Kippurim. This din pertains to “health and sickness, and death and life, and [other] human circumstances” (Rambam, Commentary on Rosh ha’Shanah Chapter 1 Mishnah 4). Rambam explains how this din works in Hilchos Teshuvah Chapter 3:
Each and every human being has zechuyos (merits) and avonos (iniquities). Someone whose zechuyos are more than their avonos is a tzadik (righteous in terms of this judgment). Someone whose avonos are more than their zechuyos is a rasha (wicked in terms of this judgment). Half and half is a beinoni (one who is in the middle) …Just as the avonos of a person are weighed against his zechuyos at the time of his death, so too each and every year the avonos of each and every person are weighed against his zechuyos on the Yom Tov of Rosh ha’Shanah. One who is found to be a tzadik is sealed for life; and one who is found to be a rasha is sealed for death. But the beinoni hangs in the balance until Yom ha’Kippurim. If he did teshuvah – he is sealed for life; but if not – he is sealed for death.
Although it is natural to feel anxiety about how our din will turn out, I realized this morning that such anxiety is inevitable, since “this weighing can only take place in the mind of the God of Minds, and He is the [only] One Who knows how to weigh the zechuyos against the avonos” (ibid.). In other words, there is a fantasy at work here beneath the surface. The anxiety makes us feel “if only I had prepared adequately, then I would enter Yom ha’Kippurim with the assurance that I’ll receive a good din!” In truth, such security is impossible. To the contrary – the more perfected a person is, the more uncertain they will be about their din, since they’ll have a more accurate grasp of what perfection entails and how far they are from that ideal. While this state of mind can be productive insofar as it spurs a person to do more teshuvah and mitzvos, it is sheer folly to think that there’s a way to avoid feeling anxious about one’s din. At the end of the day, none of us knows how our din will turn out.
In contrast, the kaparah of Yom ha’Kippurim is available to the entire Jewish people irrespective of their din. The Rambam (Hilchos Teshuvah 1:3) writes:
At a time when we do not have a Beis ha'Mikdash nor a Mizbach Kaparah (Altar of Atonement), all we have is teshuvah. Teshuvah brings kaparah for all transgressions ... And the day of Yom ha'Kippurim, itself, brings kaparah for shavim (i.e. those who engaged in teshuvah), as it is stated, “for on this day he shall atone for you” (Vayikra 16:30).
The Torah does not say, “for on this day he shall atone for tzadikim” or “for those who were sealed for life” but rather “for you” – that is, for all of Klal Yisrael, provided they utilized the Aseres Ymei Teshuvah to be involved in teshuvah, as the Rambam clearly stated: “If [the beinoni] did teshuvah – he is sealed for life; but if not – he is sealed for death.” [1] The kaparah of Yom ha’Kippurim is not tied to the outcome of our din. Unlike our din, which is fraught with uncertainty, kaparah is guaranteed to those who engage in teshuvah. It is for this reason that we can declare as a praise – not as a request – in each of our tefilos: “Blessed are You, Hashem, the King Who pardons and forgives our iniquities and the iniquities of His people, the family of Israel, and removes our sins every single year, King over all the world, Who sanctifies Israel and Yom ha’Kippurim.” Kaparah is within our grasp.
[1] Contrary to what it may seem, the Rambam does not mean that Yom ha’Kippurim only provides kaparah for the specific sins you did teshuvah on; see my article entitled Yom ha’Kippurim 5780: Kaparah as a Means to an End for elaboration.
______________________________
If you've gained from what you've learned here, please consider contributing to my Patreon at www.patreon.com/rabbischneeweiss. Alternatively, if you would like to make a direct contribution to the "Rabbi Schneeweiss Torah Content Fund," my Venmo is @Matt-Schneeweiss, and my Zelle and PayPal are mattschneeweiss at gmail.com. Even a small contribution goes a long way to covering the costs of my podcasts, and will provide me with the financial freedom to produce even more Torah content for you.
If you would like to sponsor a day's or a week's worth of content, or if you are interested in enlisting my services as a teacher or tutor, you can reach me at rabbischneeweiss at gmail.com. Thank you to my listeners for listening, thank you to my readers for reading, and thank you to my supporters for supporting my efforts to make Torah ideas available and accessible to everyone.
Be sure to check out my YouTube channel and my podcasts: "The Mishlei Podcast", "The Stoic Jew" Podcast, "Rambam Bekius" Podcast, "Machshavah Lab" Podcast, "The Tefilah Podcast" Email me if you'd like to be added to my WhatsApp group where I share all of my content and public shiur info.
No comments:
Post a Comment